“Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass…It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.” ~ Vivian Greene
When I was pregnant, I was on a personal mission to learn all I could about pregnancy, labor and childbirth. I must have read (almost) all the books and seen most of the videos that were available in our library on these subjects. It’s one thing hearing stories from your mother and grandmother and it’s another thing having to go through it yourself! Especially, since we live in times when medical interventions (most often unnecessary) have become the norm and are viewed as more natural than the birthing process itself.
My research and self-study was inspired by a DVD series . Laugh and Learn is a series of DVD classes on childbirth, newborn care and breastfeeding. These were some of the first DVDs I brought from the library so my husband and I could watch the videos and prepare ourselves for the arrival of our baby into this world.
When I first looked at the title Laugh and Learn, I wondered why anyone would name a childbirth class that – Laugh and Learn? Pain and laughter don’t go together, do they?
Childbirth is an intense experience – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Here’s how a midwife described childbirth to the men in the room during a class on childbirth. She asked them to imagine what it would be like to pull one’s lower lip and stretch it all the way over the head! That description would surely make first-time-dads and moms want to run…
Life is like childbirth at times. It can be intense and painful, hard and laborious. It can change your life. Life can be a brutal teacher and wear us out till we learn our lessons – and yet, at the end of it, it is rewarding. So, how about exploring ways so we can make the lessons fun and enjoy them in the process, instead of dreading them?
“Children want to learn to the degree that they are unable to distinguish learning from fun. They keep this attitude until we adults convince them that learning is not fun.”~ Glenn Doman
Keep learning fun. Coming back to the video, it was six hours long and after watching it, I changed my mind about the title. It was indeed very appropriate. The video was very informative, humorous and entertaining. The presenter did a great job walking us through the whole process, explaining the various stages of labor, the available options and their pros and cons, conditions that will mandate medical interventions, pain coping techniques etc. etc. She actually made us laugh throughout with her humor and jokes, and by the end of it, we were feeling more comfortable and less apprehensive (and ignorant). Childbirth didn’t seem all that scary and I was inspired to learn more.
So it is with life. Life’s gonna teach you anyway, whether you wish to learn or not. By choosing to learn and being receptive to life’s lessons, you make the learning easier for yourself. It’s the difference between a uninterested and weeping child going to school vs an excited and happy child looking forward to go to school! Life’s lessons are for a lifetime – so might as well laugh and learn life’s ways and live the life you choose:)
“When I hear somebody sigh, “Life is hard,” I am always tempted to ask, “Compared to what?”" ~Sydney Harris
Don’t be afraid. One of my friends delivered a baby a few months before I did and she passed on some sagely advice, advice her boss shared with her, advice that must have been passed on from woman to woman over generations, “Don’t be afraid. You’ll get through it.”
So true. If you are afraid, it will only increase stress and tension levels and it’s no good for anyone. Not during childbirth and not during life. Instead it is wiser to fruitfully utilize our energies to learn coping techniques. Labor is hard work. It’s certainly not a walk in the park. However, knowing what to expect helped me (and my husband) prepare emotionally, mentally and spiritually for it. Exercise, affirmations, relaxing and soothing music, meditation, effective breathing, visualization, massage therapy, inspirational reading and listening etc. were some of the things I practiced and followed. Now, these are techniques that help in life too. They help us stay focused and calm and reduce stress levels!
“Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God, you learn.” ~C.S. Lewis
Know you are not alone. Knowing that millions of women have been through labor before (and the six billion population on the planet is testimony to this fact!) is an inspiration by itself! It’s not an impossible task and certainly doable – obviously, it’s just another natural process in the cycle of life:) Personally, I found it comforting and valuable talking to other women and learning from their experiences.
Similarly, millions have lived before us and millions will follow us. You are not alone in life. Each and every person on this planet has his/her own share of lessons to learn, their share of burdens, troubles, obstacles and problems – they just come in different packages of all shapes and sizes. Experience is valuable and you can save a lot of energy and time when you can learn from other people’s choices and experiences. Likewise, know that there are people out there learning from you.
”When you feel like nothing is there but pain and hurt and great despair, that is when we know we need to not give up, whatever it is we’re going through.” ~Unknown
Pain brings its due reward. There was a time when my husband wondered why women would willingly subject themselves through the pain of pregnancy and childbirth. That said, after the birth of our son, when asked if he would go through the process again (he was in the labor room throughout and was amazingly supportful), he smiled and said yes. Why not? If you have gone through it once, you can certainly go through it once more! Because once you behold your bundle of joy, all pain is forgotten. And guess what I was doing five minutes after my son was born? I was busy calling up family …:) Pain, what pain?
Isn’t it the same in life? Why else would athletes compete in strenuous sports? Why would people scale the tallest peaks against all odds? Why would people chase ambitions and dreams? Because pain brings its due reward in due time… I know it’s hard to appreciate this fact when you are going through a hard time, but hang in there:) Once you reap the reward, all the pain you went through will be forgotten as if it never happened.
“Continue learning, never stop striving and keep your curiosity sharp, and you will never become too old to appreciate life.” ~Unknown
Remember, learning is for eternity. There’s something to learn always and in all ways. Somehow, after a certain stage in life, we shut our brains to learning. Either we believe we have learned everything that needs to be learned or we tell ourselves that we are too old to learn anything more. Nah, nah, there’s always something to learn.
Attitude matters. The more interested, curious and eager you are to learn from the environment around you, the more you learn and the less brutal life is. Nature, people, animals, birds, plants, planets and stars – there’s a teacher in everything. So, stop saying “I know” and open yourself to a lifetime of learning, actually, an eternity of learning…life actually becomes more enjoyable once you do that! Test it out…because there’s an universe of universal wisdom waiting for you!
”All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
Trust life. Trust mother nature. And last, but not least, trust mother nature (universe/creator/life..).
Now, since I read so many books and watched so many videos, if you were to ask me what’s the single most useful (pain coping) tip that helped me immensely during the birthing process? Let go and trust mother nature. Mother nature knows what it’s doing.
To be informed and educated is great, but too much information can be an overload. It’s a fine balance. Do you know what’s the ultimate goal of all the life lessons that we go through? That we may let go and learn to trust life and mother nature – because they are the reason we are here on this planet in the first place!
When you trust life and trust what’s happening is happening for the best, then you wouldn’t resist life so much. And when you don’t resist life, you flow along with it and you minimize the suffering! Pain is part of life and is perhaps unavoidable but suffering can be minimized and certainly avoided.
“I am willing to put myself through anything; temporary pain or discomfort means nothing to me as long as I can see that the experience will take me to a new level. I am interested in the unknown, and the only path to the unknown is through breaking barriers, an often painful process.” ~—Diane Nyad
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